Father in law relationship issues and dating

How to gracefully navigate in-laws from hell - HelloGiggles

father in law relationship issues and dating

This can be a difficult and insurmountable problem for people from the same faith with extended family members such as in laws, grand parents and parents. Oct 1, Despite the fact that most dating couples do not spend much time thinking in- law relationships, from the meddling mom and dad in “Everybody Loves Unfortunately, that's exactly what a difficult in-law situation creates — a. Dec 26, This is for anyone with family who are supposed to be nice but instead, make your relationship difficult. Maybe they constantly divide you and.

Generally speaking, people from different faiths can marry and succeed in staying together if they each agree on the religion they will practice or if they agree that they are not religious and do not consider themselves to be of any religious persuasion.

The key words are if they each agree.

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In other words if you each want to be Muslim, practice that religion and raise your children Muslim there will be no difficulty. It is much easier for couples to agree about religion if the one individual feels a lot less strongly committed to their religion of origin. For the individual who is not committed to a religion there is often a willingness to convert for two reasons: However, if two people each feel firmly committed to and identified with their religion of origin there is a good chance that there will be nothing but grief between them in the future if they attempt to ignore their differences.

Strong commitment on the part of each complicates the questions of how to raise the children, what to do on important holy days, who will go to services and how often and, etc. This type of gap in thinking and believing complicates relationships with extended family members such as in laws, grand parents and parents.

There are tragic cases in which deeply religious families refuse to accept a new member from a different faith. There are those situations in which each person decides to keep their religion of origin but raise the children in both faiths.

In these situations, children and family celebrate all the holy days, learn about each faith and attend all the services.

It's no coincidence that popular culture focuses so heavily on in-law relationships, from the meddling mom and dad in "Everybody Loves Raymond" to the "Meet the Parents" movies.

father in law relationship issues and dating

These images reflect deep-seated worries about balancing loyalty to one's spouse with life-long bonds of attachment and obligation to parents, siblings, and other kin. This worry is not an irrational one; research also shows that in-law relations are a key determinant of marital happiness.

How to deal with the difficult father-in-law - Telegraph

But what should you do? As I combed through hundreds of reports of in-law relations -- ranging from loving and respectful relationships to "in-laws from hell" -- I uncovered three terrific lessons for insulating your relationship from problems with one another's' families. These rules for in-law relations have been tested by hundreds of the oldest Americans for decades -- given what's at stake, we should pay close attention. Your loyalty is to your spouse.

Life is full of difficult decisions in which no solution leaves everyone happy. Unfortunately, that's exactly what a difficult in-law situation creates -- a classic example of ambivalence that in a worst-case scenario may persist over years or even a lifetime. But sometimes the elders cut through all the complexity and just tell you what to do. Here's their advice on dealing with the supposed ambivalence of in-law relations: In a conflict between your spouse and your family, support your spouse.

The elders are unequivocal; it is your duty to support your husband or wife and to manage your own family in a way that consistently conveys this fact. Further, you both must present a united front to both families, making it clear from the beginning that your spouse comes first. In couples where this allegiance did not happen, marital problems swiftly followed.

In fact, some of the bitterest disputes occurred over a spouse's failure to support his or her partner.

How to gracefully navigate in-laws from hell

When I asked Erin, 66, to describe a conflict that came up in her marriage, she didn't hesitate: Oh yeah, his mother. A lot of conflict. I had the impression she didn't like me very much. I could live with that, but my husband never stuck up for me, so we fought about it. The apron strings were tied to him, and you just didn't go against Mommy.

Respect their blindness when it comes to their parents. This is this person who is attempting to affect your relationship but keep it away from that. More than anything just keep that in the back of your head. Parents know weak spots and also have different love and intimacy standards.

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For the sake of isolating the problem and keeping it manageable, attack this as an issue between you and the parents — so that you can keep it in your own mind — from souring your bond with your partner. You need them with you, supporting you as much as possible and blaming them moves them further away.

So for the sake of being the most empowered in this situation — treat this as a family issue.

father in law relationship issues and dating

Not a relationship one. Keep blame out of it and take the actions of your partner out of it as much as possible. Your relationship is sacred. This is about watching the crazy as an outside story line that you have to navigate now and again. Those people are victims of themselves — of the crazy inside.

Laugh at train wrecks, feel pity for them: Keep the terms pristine because it will give you the best outcome. The Why Metaphors help to assign logic to situations that might otherwise hurt and confuse you. From this point forth, I want you to think of this relationship in metaphor — any appropriate imaginary land that this family member inhabits. You can think of your own or use mine — a hyper visual one works best.

Think of their world like a Grey Gardens style kingdom: And how sad and sweet it is that they live in such a different world. You are like a documentarian who is visiting them with an amused and respectful smile, handling their feelings with kid gloves.

Navigating this relationship is all about being a nonstick pan: You cannot expect anything different from them than what they have demonstrated they will do. They live in their own imagination, which is rife with old issues — all of which have nothing to do with you, whatsoever.

It can be one or all of these things… They See You as a Threat to Their Title There are a lot of parents who think of their kids as a personal achievement: Even as an adult, they see their child as an expression of who they are and a sign of their success.

Their unrealistic expectations extend to who their kids choose as a mate, therefore, you becoming a part of their life is similar to a robbery or a personal attack.

father in law relationship issues and dating

They also feel a simultaneous fear of losing their child. They See You Are Vulnerable We all have personality dynamics that are visible to others the moment they meet us. So this person, who feels vulnerable to you and threatened by you, is keeping you safely below them by using what they detect as your weak spots.